I can’t believe I have gotten this far along in my blogging career without writing about worry. In fact, I didn’t even have a worry category or tag until today (well, I will, right after I complete this blog). This revelation is so monumental that I didn’t even worry about the skillet I left on the burner so that I could come into the living room to write it down. It wasn’t until I was alerted by the smell of burning oil that I realized I had actually left a burner on and smoke was billowing from the kitchen. Not to mention the fact that I am now going to be late for work. Progress or cause for more worry??
Could it be that I have actually learned enough techniques that this part of my psyche has somehow taken a back seat to other more pressing issues, such as living in the moment? And what happens if I stop worrying? Will I burn the house down? This thought is cause for great alarm!
I am worried that my capacity for worry is actually diminishing lately, as the pendulum swings into the other direction of complacency. While others at work fret about meeting their deadlines and turning in their monthly reports, I find myself waiting until the last-minute just because I can. Perhaps the fact that I work with a bunch of professional worriers has put it into perspective for me. There is an ongoing debate we have at work about whether we were attracted to our jobs as clinical research professionals because we were a bit obsessive compulsive, or whether the job made us this way. I think I know the answer to this question, having seen a procession of regular, non-worrying people come and go in our department, while the die-hard worriers have hung in there for the past 15+ years, clinging to our desperate need to control something! We torture ourselves pouring over documents, only to have some auditor come in and find the one “i” that wasn’t dotted and the one “t” left uncrossed. Research is the perfect breeding ground for someone who can never be satisfied with a job well down. There are plenty of enforcers coming along behind us to let us know we have not achieved anything close to perfection. I was stricken when my co-worker and I asked our boss which of us was the most anal retentive, and she said that it was neither because there were others in the department that were much more neurotic. I was highly insulted and can’t tell you how many days I spent worrying about that one!
I wish I could say that I am now the master of all of my worries, but not so. I still grapple with what seems to be a family legacy (from my father – thanks dad, didn’t see that one coming) each and every waking moment of my day. Fortunately, before you decide to stop reading and give up hope, I can tell you that it has actually gotten better. Yes, there are ways to put worry in its place. You don’t have to be a prisoner to your worries any more.
So first, here are the worries that I have mastered: fear of flying, public speaking, social situations, heights, elevators, crowds, dying, going “crazy” (as I used to refer to it before I realized how demeaning this term was), gaining weight, going to hell, the future, my health, and many more, mostly related to what people think about me.
Here are the worries I still have issues with: worrying about my children, my grandchild, family and friends, going to prison (not sure what this one is about), getting fired, and looking stupid and/or making an ass of myself; playing cornhole, softball, bowling, volleyball, or any other sport that involves tossing a ball under-handed.
For expediency sake, I have oversimplified both the magnitude of my worries and the recovery process. Chronic worrying can be debilitating and zap one’s energy and zest for life. There were times (and still sometimes are) when I felt like there was a part of my brain that was data-mining for something to worry about, and this led to a lot of misery. It is much better now, thanks to a huge amount of effort on my part.
Here are some things that worked for me over the years:
- Listening to Lucinda Bassett’s tapes, over and over again
- Going to a support group for anxiety
- Taking medication
- Doing the four questions from The Work developed by Byron Katie
- Having great friends with whom I can share my worries and laugh about them
- Relaxation techniques
- Counseling with a good, understanding therapist
- Cognitive Behavioral Techniques
- Attending workshops and seminars
- Regular exercise
- Limiting time spent with people who are negative
- Creative expression – The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron is a great method of tapping into one’s inner creativity
- Developing a sense of humor -watching funny movies and reading books that make me laugh helps keep my mind occupied. I enjoy reading/listening to books on tape by David Sedaris. His lighthearted approach to the years he spent struggling with severe obsessive compulsive behaviors and tics brings a smile to my face every time I listen to him.
- Years of practicing all of the above
I will leave you with this MUST LISTEN TO song if you are like me and worry about being liked. I’m still working on this one!