You suppose you are the trouble
But you are the cure
You suppose that you are the lock on the door
But you are the key that opens it
It’s too bad that you want to be someone else
You don’t see your own face, your own beauty
Yet, no face is more beautiful than yours.
Notice each day how often judgments about other people are in your thoughts. What are these judgments about? I have found that many times the judgmental thoughts I have about someone else are the very things I am struggling with about myself. When I learn to approach myself with more compassion, then I am more likely to let my negative feelings about others pass through me without needing to react in a hurtful manner.
Each time I have a thought about myself that I am not good enough, thin enough, pretty enough, smart enough, clever enough, young enough, thoughtful enough, or creative enough, I am casting a shadow on my true self. I am learning that I can question these intrusive thoughts and find another possibility that is more loving. Often they are rooted in an all-or-nothing mentality, overlooking all of the options in between.
These concepts are extremely difficult for me and I struggle with them every day. I try to remember (many times forgetting) to set my intentions each morning, and the moment I walk out the door, with each encounter, the critic in my head gets louder and louder. I am learning to take a few deep breaths during the day when it gets too overwhelming and that seems to help. It is hard to retrain one’s brain and the first step is to simply notice. I worked hard at these concepts when I was recovering from my eating disorder and the underlying anxiety, many years ago. While it has been over 26 years since I have engaged in the self-destructive behaviors, I’ve come to realize that raising my awareness of how my thoughts impact my overall well-being is an ongoing process that I must embrace, as a mother embraces her child.
“Look at the weaknesses of others with compassion, not accusation. It’s not what they’re not doing or should be doing that’s the issue. The issue is your own chosen response to the situation and what you should be doing. If you start to think the problem is “out there,” stop yourself. That thought is the problem.” – Stephen Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People