I am still working on a strategy for dealing with my anger towards a few people, and I’ve decided to use the same techniques that work with toddlers and young children – redirecting and focusing on activities and people that are more positive and energizing. I’m hoping this approach helps to dissipate my strong reaction.
You see, I have never been very good at anger, even when my mom was abusive towards me. I actually adopted a sort of Stockholm syndrome mentality. There was usually no danger of me cursing someone out or extracting revenge upon them; no passive aggressive behaviors up my sleeves. The real problem has been the impact being disliked or mistreated has on my ego, and how I normally torture myself trying to figure out how to win them over again. Not this time, I am not going to waste time beating myself up and going back for more. If the dog bites, I’ll stay away! Instead, I will try accepting these emotions and letting them pass without needing to manipulate the situation.
I think this is a step up from my usual method of sucking up and trying to get the person to like me, thus turning myself into a doormat. I know there is more work to be done on my psyche but for now detaching will have to do. I will work on being Zen about it tomorrow.