Vulnerability, grief, and loss

Vulnerable: Synonyms: helpless, defenseless, powerless, impotent, weak, susceptible

From time to time we all feel this way. Now is my time. I haven’t felt this vulnerable since initiating my divorce after 30 years of marriage. This time, it is because I am on another new path, changing jobs after 20 years in the same one.  Now that the initial excitement has worn off, I am becoming more aware of all of the ways in which this change has impacted me. It was a brave move at this stage of my life and very empowering. Just like when I got a divorce after years of wondering if I should. I can look back several years later and know it was the right choice. At the time it didn’t feel like it. I have to wonder though, is there any such thing as a right or wrong choice? Don’t we learn from all of our choices.

Is it possible to change course at any time if we don’t like what we’ve decided?

There are times when there is no turning back. This is one of those times for me, and that is a good thing. I will not fret about it too much, though I miss many of the people and experiences I enjoyed all those years. It’s hard to be open to anything when one is grieving what’s been lost. I wonder how I could have taken it all for granted, and wonder even more at how selective my memory has become to the times that weren’t so pleasant. It makes me weary thinking about it, so for now, I will just let it be.

Today, I walked through the cemetery where Otto Warmbier was laid to rest earlier this week. The same cemetery in which my mother and sister’s baby are buried. How sad it made me feel to see how quickly his life changed from one bad decision in one brief moment. Haven’t we all had many such moments in our lifetime;  not all come at such a high price.

14 thoughts on “Vulnerability, grief, and loss

  1. Yes, I think we all deal with this at times. And even though we try to be aware of what we have if we lose something there will always be the question if we really appreciated it enough. I think that’s normal and in some way, it only shows how much we did appreciate what was – when even we did not notice at that time.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Best of luck to you, Amy … the weariness and vulnerability will subside, and you will be just fine. My impression is that you have the courage and the self-awareness for things to work out in due time.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Beautifully said Amy. I think we all second guess ourselves, but eventually in our soul we get confirmation when we have made the right choice. I’m glad you learned to realize that. And oh, that poor, poor, boy Otto. My heart aches for him. 🙂


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